Choose to Love Your Kids THEIR WAY

Dad thrives on hugs and wrestling. Paulette seeks affirmation. Both want love and both are trying. Love language sensitivity makes the effort easier. Read on for language skills!

Frank Sinatra sang it: “I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried…I did it my way.” Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell agree. (The Five Love Languages - Relationships) Each individual—that means kids too—has a preferred way to express and receive love. Their books on love languages identifie five different styles: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service.

Dad thrives on hugs and reaches out to embrace his child. Yet Paulette pulls away because she feels rejected. Dad did not even notice the “A” on her test that was prominently left out for all to see! Both want love and both are trying. Love language sensitivity makes the effort easier.

Take the “Love Language” test.


Ernest feels Mom's love most when they have fun together. His primary love language is quality time.

Try the SelectSmart on-line quiz to help identify each family member’s way to understand love. Some questions are a bit esoteric (“I feel complete when I spend time with people I love”) which works better with older kids. Compare your prediction with the automatically generated results.

Use these Love Languages for 5 minutes a day.

A lot of love can be shared in less than 5 minutes. Our researchers had a blast timing hugs (a long hug lasts 10 seconds), making beds (2 minutes to superbly fluff up a comforter and pillow), and giving genuine praise (the most time consuming part is to decide to look for the positive. Acknowledging a good job takes seconds).

This week, try one love language per day. Discover our age approriate ideas.

- Speak love languages with little kids (3-8)
- Share love languages with bigger (even pre-teen) boys and girls (9-13)
- Read how love languages worked for this family.

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1. On Tuesday, June 5 2007, 11:29 by Denise

I can recommend the pool for anyone who wants to work on "physical touch". Now that my kids are older (12 and 10) it's not that easy to touch. But in the pool we played tag, sent them flying, helped them with their handstands... We really had the chance to connect literally!

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