Racy Biking... & Marriages
When boys outgrow bike races, what do they grow into?
Trouble. Girls (big trouble)!
Hopefully sturdy men with strong values that stand the test of time...and kids!
For years my boys and I loved watching the Tour de France. The moment of glory came when the winner rode past the finish line, waving his hands in a victory salute.
Yesterday, the Tour of Utah began and finished the race in our vacation village. I was excited to personally view that winning scene. (Great shot, n’est ce pas?)
When boys outgrow biking, what do they grow into?
With the onset of teen years, my boys’ focus has changed. Sex ranks way higher in intrigue than bike racing (surprise). Their hormonal health stirred us parents to further share our views on sex (Mom, do you have to?). We believe that sexual intimacy is designed to be enjoyed in the context of a committed relationship (a.k.a. marriage). To our teens I say, “There is good sex and great sex. ‘Good’ is about performance: skills and techniques. ‘Great sex’ requires trust; you can be totally vulnerable to your partner and know that you are still accepted, even desired! Don't settle for good; reach for great.“
Yet, in the "modern" world marriage hardly looks appealing. The divorce rate continues to climb. Many friends—of all beliefs—have come to me to share their conjugal burdens...of which sexless marriages. (FYI, I am not known for my cuddly approachability and docile loving. I think people talked to me because the need was great and I listened and shared the pain.)
How can I tell my teens to “wait for sex” when marital intimacy looks so bleak?
I can encourage our children to have a high view of sex when love-life looks attractive in our own couple. When the kids see that my mate’s rear is tantalizing to coddle. When we exclaim in our super-sized kitchen, “I have to rub against you to reach _______. There is so little space....(wink).” When we hear our spouse come in the door and put down what we are doing and greet them with a kiss. When we insist on a kids-in-your-room-time so that we parents can enjoy privacy.
What does all this have to do with bike racing anyway?
Next to me at the finish line of the Tour of Utah was a family with five children from ages twelve to less than one. We were all standing on an elevated ledge for maximum visibility: we could see the racers and the public could see us. As we were waiting, the father turns to his wife, takes her face in his hands and kisses her à la French. The kids waved their fan paraphernalia and rang their Tour of Utah cowbells. There were no bikers in sight. The only racy event was the kiss.
That husband still looked at the mother of his five tykes as HOT. And she responded accordingly. And the important public knew it and appreciated it.
They're paving the way for potentially rich discussions as their growing children become exposed to sexual "freedom". "Why do you think sex is so desirable?...Are you also ready to make life fun and exciting when there are six monsters (five kids and one spouse) vying for your attention? With freedom comes responsibility....Where is the commitment in your relationship?...Is sex a right or a privilege? Why?..."
What difference did this scene make in my life?
Inspired, I raced home and gave my husband a show and tell!
This little incident boosted my motivation to keep romance healthy and evident in our marriage. Hope it does for you too.
Read our thoughts to encourage a new attitude about love.