Parenting Insights Inspired by Herminia Ibarra: Perfection and Love (Success) Mix Like Oil and Vinegar
Spoke with Herminia Ibarra last night. Rather, she addressed a group of 30 of us Harvard Women in France... and I participated in the Q & A. Recognized as one of the top 50 brains (charismatic, engaging, humble, humorous, sharp, and visionary) in business, Ibarra currently teaches and researches out of Insead.
One of the take away's from her talk: learning in organizations follows the 70-20-10 rule.
70-20-10 Rule at Work
Most great managers are made...by learning the ropes. Here's how they learn to grow and reach positions of increasing responsibility:
70% of learning happens through challenge, reach projects. People are placed in tough positions and gain experience in how to access the appropriate resources (people, funds, enthusiasm...) and channel them into success. To quote Kelly Clarkson, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
20% of learning happens through coaching and mentoring. These provide a personal encouragement and impetus to change.
10% of growth comes through books, teaching, and what Herminia Ibarra did for us last night. (Probably 9% of that learning comes through Questions and Answers, thus she maximized this limited learning by allowing for plenty of exchange.)
Here is the take away: Most programs to help women advance in organizations center around....you guessed it! The 20% and 10% categories. Hummmm, if the goal is career growth, how effective is this learning?
70-20-10-0 Rule Chez You
Let’s apply this rule to learning in the organization called “home.” How are you planning on growing as a parent?
0% learning - Avoid the kids (and maybe the spouse too for that matter)!
10% learning - Read the posts on a superlative website called Home Is Fun :-). (Sign up for the newsletter and "like us" on Facebook, so that you don't miss a post.) You’ll even find links to insightful parenting books to increase your learning (from 6 to 7%. Yipee!)
20% learning - Get together with a friend and talk about the latest article on Home Is Fun...or about what's going on with the kids. You are informally coaching each other. After all, anyone with a listening ear is qualified to act as a sounding board. As a parent, you also have your experience to offer to your friend. Alternatively, write us a question or a suggestion. We love mail!
70% learning - Spend time with your kids. Repeat. Spend time with your kids. It's easier said than done. So try one of the communication or organization projects recommended on Home Is Fun! It's our goal to make connecting with the kids easier and more fun.
o For the parent with 0% energy or creativity yet 100% desire to connect as a family. Check out this hilarious collection of photos, laugh with your kids, then get your camera out and click... whatever.
o For parents with 1% energy, choose one of the 101 Ways to Tell Your Child "I Love You." Some of these only require 30 seconds. Eventually graduate up to one that can be done in 1 minute!
o For parents with 2% energy, boost the family vitality by using this optical illusion to overcome communication blockage. Easy peasy and super impactful.
o For parents with 70% energy and more to spare, really get to know what's on your child's heart with this discussion tool to unveil their dreams...and to share yours. For the daring among you, let your kids help you turn this into a Thanksgiving family reunion activity.
Just do one. It’s the BEST way to learn. Try. Grow. Laugh...or cry. Be alive and kicking. FYI, dead people aren’t known for their sense of humor nor for their vibrancy. Great parents are.
Perfectionism and Love Mix Like Oil and Vinegar
The measure of success at home is love. One of the tests of true love is to be accepted despite having flopped. When you and I try something new, chances are we'll face a learning period...or rather an opportunity for more abundant loving!
Let yourself be loved. Perfectionism and love mix like oil and vinegar, that is, not at all.
Is there a challenge in your home? (Who does not have one?) Get your nose out of the book. Ask your friend to wish you well and hang up the phone. Go plop down next to your kid.
Signing off to go cuddle with my son.